If I learned anything during my two years in Paris, it is that there are certain steps, habits and role reversals that we women might feel the need to adopt by playing the dating game with. French men. They are, as I have come to be enlightened, entirely different from English men. After many dates that turned sour or seamlessly vanished into thin air, I've learned what to expect when dating original French men.
# 1. The French often prefer that the woman tell them what they want to do on their date.
This baffled me at first. I had spent my whole life believing that it was man's decision to say where we should go, what we should do. I was speechless when I was asked before several of my dates, "So what would you like to do?" Well, of course, in an ideal world, I want to answer that question by saying, "Let's make champagne at Meurice followed by the Opera, topped off with a carriage ride that would leave me right at my doorstep." 'Once my head stopped spinning and I was brought back to the present moment, I once made the unfortunate decision to just say,' Oh, I don't mind. What would you like to do?' My meeting then suggested that I go have a drink in a bar in the Marais. It sounded perfect until I google the bar and see that it is listed as "A gay and lesbian establishment". So, if you feel like going to the movies, tell her you want to go to the movies. If you like a bar or cafe in your neighborhood, tell them to meet you there for a drink. If the sun is shining, tell him you would like to take a walk along the Seine. Once he gets to know you better, make sure you aren't doing all the decisive work. It will be more satisfying for you when he comes up with a fabulous idea for a date because he knows you would love it.
# 2. Sometimes he can expect you to do most of the pursuits.
What happened to waiting for the man to contact you after a first date? What about the rules for a man to text you first? What if you don't want to appear "too lively"? You can forget everything you learned while dating a French, it's a level playing field! Along with having to be more decisive about where you want to go on a date, it's quite important that a woman helps the man do some of the after-date follow-up work. If he really doesn't make an effort, however, he's probably not worth chasing. I had already been used to a world where if you looked "too bright" you might lose the guy prematurely. It was always about playing cool and not giving too much. When dating the French, however, it is quite normal for the woman to tell the man when she wants to see him again. Of course, go in there and book it for another date. It is natural (in France) for a woman to be completely honest and tell the man that she wants to see him again.
# 3. How not to declare his feelings to a Frenchman.
Oh how things could have been different if I had known then what I know now ... I certainly learned the hard way what you should never say to a French person if you want to declare your feelings (in French , because it's more romantic like that…) So you go out together. Well you don't really know if it comes out. All the signs are there that this is real love. You flirt, you maybe touch each other a little, (or in my case he brushed my leg with his foot under the table once, I blush to think he's flirting outrageously with me only for him and then for s 'apologize for accidentally kicking me.), the chemistry is unleashed but he didn't move and kissed you. I was once in this position with a man I had feelings for, I was cautiously optimistic that he felt the same, but neither of us were brave enough to admit our feelings. So after another evening spent together where he cooked a three-course meal for me in his apartment and still hadn't moved, I decided the next day to finally declare my feelings for him in a text, (because my little heart could not handle face to face rejection). "I like you" I finally hit "send" after deliberating longer than I would like to admit. “It was nice to see you too,” he replied. Yes, if he had ripped out my heart with his bare hands, I don't think it would have been more painful than reading those words. After summoning my friends to a crisis cafe, where I was to tell them what had just happened to me, my friends explained to me that I actually told him that I loved him very much - but as a friend. . A friend of mine even compared saying "I like you" to something you might say to a sandwich. It doesn't make sense when it comes to love. In England, if you had told someone that you loved them very much, you would have declared some pretty strong romantic feelings for that person and you would probably be expecting a future relationship with them. But, when you say "in French", it does not translate quite as you would like. In other words, if you say “I like you” to her, your love probably isn't making your relationship “Facebook official” anytime soon.
# 4. How to declare your feelings to a Frenchman.
I suggest leaving the big statement of "I love you" for the man. He will say it sooner than you think, because he probably already knows his true feelings for you after the first date. But what if you find yourself in a stalemate where neither of you takes the step to take your relationship to the next level? You could tell him he's awesome or nice by saying "You're awesome" or "You're very nice", while brushing the hair away from his face… I think he would understand then.
# 5. It goes too fast? It's normal!
In a totally different situation, if he starts calling you his girlfriend after the second date, that's pretty normal. Once you kiss a French for the first time, you are practically declaring exclusivity from the get-go. In other cultures, it can be normal to “go out together” when you are single, to see which shoe fits… But the French like to move fast; they work on impulse and chemistry. If they're attracted to you after the first date they kiss you on the second date, you're pretty much guaranteed to be their girlfriend right away. I have a friend who, after having had a few dates with a French man, stumbled upon something marked on his calendar one month to the day after sharing their first kiss saying it was their "birthday of one." month ”on That day. Since she had only known him for two weeks, she was understandably quite alarmed at how much they had already progressed as a couple in her mind. She soon realized, however, that it was so normal in France.
Remember…
When you step out to a new culture that you don't know, it can naturally be intimidating, especially if you speak in a language that is not your first language. But once a native laughs at your jokes on a date you speak their language, you'll feel really satisfied in a way you've never felt before. It will take time, trial and error to fully understand how the French operate in the dating scene. But when you do, you'll find that French men can be the most loving, caring, and caring men you've ever met. Like how we search for the perfect heels or the right dress that fits our figure like a glove, one day you will find your beautiful, your butter to your baguette tradition, and it will be just fabulous.
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