Half a generation ago, if you were romantically interested in someone, you did one of two things to fan the flame of their own ardour: either you flirted with them in person, or you flirted with them. him on the phone. How times have changed. Only one of my friends recently told me that his low-risk courtesy method is to simply use social media. Yes, he figured out how to properly flirt on Instagram. There are several non-scary and even romantic ways to do this. “Sometimes just after a [woman] can feel like a bold move,” he says. “But believe it or not, it works. If it does not follow, this is very useful information. And if she follows me, I'll start liking a pic or two and see where things go… Recently I got into a back and forth with a [woman] in which we continued liking without a word each other's photos every two minutes. Eventually we DM and went on a date. »
For the record: he is 38 years old.
Now, whatever you think of this safe, distant, and even childish way to flirt (for the record: I urge all men to pick up the phone, always), you just can't argue the results. So I called on a few dating and social media experts to compile the ultimate do's and don'ts of flirting on Instagram to help you follow, like, and DM your way to relationship bliss.
Do: Follow them before slipping into their DMs.
If you want to get someone's attention, follow them. "Most people see who their followers are and if the other person follows you, you're already ahead of the game," says Jen Hecht, Chairman of the Meetings Advisory Committee. It's an action on Instagram that really won't be seen as too aggressive by anyone, whether you know her or not in real life. But a word of warning: if you ask to follow someone who has a private profile and they don't accept your request, ask no more. Sorry. They are just not in you.
Ne pas: Like every photo they post.
All of our experts agree that liking someone else's posts en masse is a terrible idea that turns out to be obsessive. If you want to like more than one photo, though, here's a key tip: "I advise guys to like a variety of photos, not just selfies and sexy pics," says Jonathan bennett, certified counselor, dating expert and founder of The Popular Man. “Build a relationship and get to know her by actually exploring photos that reveal more than just her looks. Women know what a man is looking for when he only focuses on sexy photos. »
Do: Send a thoughtful DM.
Ah, direct message or not direct message? Sometimes it can feel like DMing someone is a bit too advanced, but "it's not scary if it's done tastefully," says Hecht. After all, you are an adult and you know what you want. “Be light, funny and engaging when sending the message,” she advises. If you're contacting someone you've never met before, be especially careful to keep things appropriate. “How would you contact a potential client if you were trying to set up a first meeting? The same principles apply to achieving a love interest,” says Hecht. If you already know your love, skip the DM and text or email them instead.
Ne pas: Send multiple DMs.
“The basic rule of flirting on social media is not to be creepy,” Bennett says. Repeat messages when you don't get a response? Yeah. Creepy. Instagram messages have a handy feature that displays the word “seen” once the recipient has read the message. If your love has read your message but hasn't replied, take the hint.
Do: Formulate comments in the form of questions.
The best way to get a response from someone you are interested in on Instagram is to simply ask them a question, according to There is Karwowski, social media marketing expert and founder and CEO of Obvious.ly. "Comment on the content of someone's photo in a nice, non-aggressive way," she advises. “Make the comment a question about what is happening in the photo, not about the appearance of this person. Remember that you are trying to start a dialogue,” she adds.
For example, if you leave a comment on a photo of the person on a beach, say something like, "Your vacation was great, how was it?" Don't write, "You look like a total smoke show." Simple, right? Law.
Ne pas: Say anything you wouldn't say in person.
Don't be weird behind the social media filter. "A good guideline is to ask yourself, 'Would I say this or do this if I saw this [woman] in person? Bennett says. “If the answer is no, don't do it on Instagram either. »
Do: Take things offline.
The end goal here is to meet this person in person, so don't prolong the conversation online when it's possible to go on a date and find out if you're right for each other. “Get out of a public newsfeed as fast as you can,” says Karwowski. "Say, 'I just texted you,' and continue the conversation there. If it's going well, move on to texting, emailing, whatever you want. Once you've both shown interest, there's no reason to waste time playing games.
Ne pas: Send mixed signals.
If you're not interested in meeting someone offline, don't pursue them online. “We need to stop hiding behind our devices,” says Hecht. Ghosting, breadcrumbs, and padding have become easier than ever because of social media, and that's not a good look, especially for a grown man. “Be human,” adds Hecht. Don't just contact someone to boost your ego or fill your time when you're bored.
Do: Make your move and let it go.
Overall, Karwowski has a general rule for Instagram flirting: "Drop a hint once, then drop it, especially if you don't know the person," she advises. “Repetitive comments, likes, and other actions expressing interest do not count as actual flirting. If they don't get the hint, move on or find an easier way to let them know you're interested, like calling to ask them out on a date.
Ne pas: Rely on social networks for dates.
“The truth is that Instagram was not designed as a dating site, so it can be very confusing when used as such,” explains Nikki goldstein, sexologist and author of Single but dating. "How do you know if someone likes your photos because they actually like your photos or because they love you? There may be some more obvious clues if they send you direct messages and ask you to date but are flirting online The following terms and likes can be misleading and confusing and leave someone wondering, "What is this?" what it means? "In other words, if you're really sure you like someone and can afford to contact them outside of Instagram, it's probably a better bet."
