Welcome to “Ask a Sex Educator”, a weekly series where a renowned sex educator Lena Solow answer all of your questions about the tough stuff - sexuality, gender, body, STDs, pregnancy, consent, pleasure, and more.
My partner wants me to send him nude pics, but I'm a little nervous and uncomfortable. I told him I didn't really want to, but he won't let go. He says I can trust him and that I will feel good about myself because I am beautiful. Is it okay to send nude photos if someone promises not to share them?
Ugh, step back, my boy. It's NOT OK for your boyfriend to pressure you or push you to do something you don't want to do. It is EXTRA not OK for him to act like it is a trust issue. He's manipulative - he makes you feel like you are the problem, whereas the problem is that he doesn't respect your limits! And besides, he hides the pressure with a compliment (telling you how beautiful you are), which probably makes him more confusing. But let me be very clear: Compliments are no longer kind when used to pressure you or confuse you, ESPECIALLY when you've already said you don't want them.
Now let's talk about nudes for a minute. Taking and sending nude photos is a sexual activity, and like any sexual activity you want to check it out with yourself first. If you are not keen on doing this, forget it! And if you have to, forget about it and maybe forget about the jerk pushing you. If you're doing a little self-check-in and you're totally into it, there are a few things to think about.
The truth is, there is always a risk in sending a nude photo if you don't want others to see it. That doesn't mean it's your fault if it's shared widely, and it doesn't mean that someone has the right to share it without your consent (NEVER DO THIS!). It just means that you should consider it a possibility, just as you would want to know that you can get an STI from oral sex before you decide to do it! Also, keep in mind that if you are a minor, unfortunately sending nude photos of yourself or other people can have some pretty serious legal consequences. And, just as you might decide not to have sex at all, or you might decide to use a barrier (like a condom) during sex, you can decide how to reduce the risks for these kinds of photos. If you decide to take a photo, you might want to take one without your face. Maybe you don't want to be totally naked, but still want to pose in a way that makes you feel confident and good about your body.
Regardless of the sexual activity, it's good to have a conversation with your partner about these decisions (although you never have to justify your limits), so that you can understand yourself and decide the things that make you feel better. are good for both of you. Unfortunately, I don't get the impression that's what's going on here. Rather, it looks like your boyfriend is trying to push you into doing something you don't want, and you have every right to stick to your limits.
Related: What you need to know before you start watching porn
