Dating French men is different from dating American men

Oh, the Frenchwomen. You have croissants, crème brûlée, self-control, paid maternity leave. . . and simplified dating rules.

Through different culture, language, and romantic norms, dating someone from any country can only have some serious differences. But hanging out in France - or hanging out with a Frenchman on American soil - presents a whole new world of romance that can't necessarily be ordered à la carte.

To clarify, we're talking about dating here as a long-term relationship. Understanding the realities of French dating customs requires digging into a little more than a big date or two - so we spoke with five women who have had serious romantic relationships, not just a week of flirting abroad. This is what they told me:

01. Time spent together is made up of substance.

According to the women I've spoken with, when a man asks you out in France, there's a good chance it wasn't a “Netflix and cold” situation or an occasional bite. “The French don't necessarily want to go have a drink or see a movie. I had first dates in France where I couldn't even train longtime boyfriends in the United States: museums, theater, music that doesn't involve earplugs ”, says Tamara, a commercial real estate consultant living in Paris. In other words, the French like to fill their dates with character and content. "It's pretty appealing to see a Frenchman studying a wine list like most Americans read the sports page," admits Tamara.

Abinet's experiments help to confirm this. Before finding love in France, Abinet felt lucky if a guy stuck to a plan on a date. But in France: “He initiated the dates, planned them on a T-shirt and never canceled. Halfway through our first date he asked what I was doing the next day and suggested a restaurant we should try. The dates he took me to are much 'cuter' than I previously expected from a man, ”she says. From ice skating at the top of the Montparnasse Tower to a picnic on a rowboat in the Bois de Boulogne lake, Abinet's boyfriend has definitely surpassed all of his previous experiences. "I realized how severe casual dating in America had become."

Anna, technical director of a film production company in Paris, agrees: “It still seems like there is an old style that doesn't seem to happen much in the UK. Often dates in France involve eating somewhere, which was an interesting change from Netflix and popcorn sweeping nations everywhere. "

02. The pace - from the start - tends to be faster.

"Things are moving beaucoup faster here in France than at home, ”says Eileen, journalist and photographer now based in Paris. “I moved away from the market quite quickly. After our first date, we spent every day together for three weeks. It moves really fast, but I hear it's normal here. Eileen believes the faster pace of new relationships is mainly due to cultural differences. “The French are more receptive to emotions, and to me they seem more romantic,” she says.

For some, this immediate intimacy is refreshing, but for others, it's a little off-putting. Tamara shares her point: “It's embarrassing to look deep into the eyes of a stranger. And I actually had to say things like, 'I don't know you yet, so I'd rather not hold my hand.'

03. Exclusivity is implicit: the DTR discourse does not exist.

Different from the United States - where there is often a point of defining relationship (DTR) as a couple - the French believe there is mutual understanding after a kiss or a successful date. Exclusively, it is not something that requires discussion.

Abinet experienced this after a three week vacation in France to see family friends. She downloaded Tinder looking for a fun night out. “I found myself on a first date with the first man I ever loved. He considered her to be his girlfriend and formed a sense of commitment immediately after this first date went well. OK here we go really well. Abinet moved to Paris just three weeks after his initial trip ended.

"Couples just don't have the 'talk' in France," adds Eileen. “We just assume you're together, an official couple. I had to ask my boyfriend if he was my boyfriend. His response: "Haven't I been for awhile?" "

04. Flirting is hard-wired and doesn't necessarily mean he's interested.

“I like the fact that in France a man doesn't think of complimenting a woman he doesn't know; he's complimenting her on her smile, her hair or whatever - and that doesn't mean anything more than “I like you,” ”Carol shares. “Flirting is an art form in France, and it feels neither objectifying nor manipulative.

Lightness, romance and wit are integral to the way the French communicate. The term "to flirt" comes from the word "to flirt", which means "to say sweet words". The best part about this is that French flirtation at its best doesn't need interpretation and shouldn't leave a woman wondering. While some American women may find it boring, the women I spoke to felt that it was glorious that we could just respond with a "thank you" and move on with a smile.

05. Gender differences are recognized and appreciated.

For Carol, who has dated a Frenchman for years, it seems taken for granted in French culture that men and women are different and that these differences should be celebrated - not ignored. "The French pay attention to things like women who put on makeup, perfume, dress well and appreciate a woman's sensuality." That's not to say that they expect women to be just "eye candy." On the contrary, explains Carol: “French culture values both the sensual and the intellectual”.

Pamela Druckerman, ex-paw and American writer, famous for her bestseller Raise Baby explains that in France, although generally a much more egalitarian culture, gender equality does not imply that you are exactly the same. Describing how married couples separate themselves from chores, she says, “Fifty-fifty rarely happens. Try to temper your feminist theory with old-fashioned French pragmatism. And that spirit is also found in their dating culture - for better and sometimes for worse.

Dating French men is different from dating American men

Published by Nude Sexe le September 21, 2020September 21, 2020

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Dating French men is different from dating American men

Published by Nude Sexe le September 21, 2020September 21, 2020

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