Sexting: you have to know that to talk dirty

Your partner's erotic messages are enticing, but they're also risky. How to write sexy text and deal with mishaps. More: Top tips for safer sexting

What is sexting? And how secret is it really?

Sexting – a word created from sex and texting – describes the sending of erotic messages and photos, for example via a smartphone. Obviously, this exchange of intimacies is often not private. Because almost a quarter of people who receive sexually explicit messages are read by friends, according to a US study by Indiana University. As a result, more than three other people see the explicit content on average. However, 73% of respondents are very uncomfortable. The good news for men: Women don't share sexual messages with others as often as men. Overall, couples send more photos and sex messages than singles, with younger people having more sex than older people, the researchers found. More than 5000 men and women from the United States were used for the study.

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What are the consequences of sexting?

Obviously, the biggest risk of sexting is not embarrassing yourself in front of the recipient, but rather in front of your friends. “For some, sexting can lead to more intimacy and satisfaction. For others, erotic messages can lead to a loss of self-confidence or a bad reputation,” explains Justin Garcia, head of the study. There is also no serious news. “Many make false promises in the messages. If these actions are not carried out in real life, the other person is disappointed. This is also called offline shock,” says Michael Sztenc, graduate psychologist, couple and sex therapist in Saarbrücken.

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What's the point of sending sexy messages?

"To avoid losing the sexual attraction in a relationship, you can keep the tingles alive with dirty talk," says expert Sztenc. "Sexting has a very clear flirtatious character, couples can show their desire and desire for each other," he adds. It can also be risky. The consequences are sometimes unpredictable and that's exactly what makes many couples so attractive. For those whose sex life has fallen asleep a bit, the tasty news can work wonders. “Send each other erotic messages or photos from work. When you come home in the evening, you have a lot more to look forward to,” advises the expert. It's not necessarily always sex, either. Virtual foreplay can sometimes be even hotter than the act itself. Be creative.

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How to write the best sexy text

Desire usually consists of attraction and the associated obstacles, Sztenc explains. Overcoming these obstacles is what makes the game so exciting. Experts know that the more something is prohibited, the more attractive it is. There is no magic bullet for the perfect formulation of erotic news. That's not the point of sexting either. “Some like dirty talk – and some don't. Part of the game is finding out what the other person likes,” says the expert. Most women don't like to be taken by surprise. Try to show your emotions and graphically describe certain situations as if they were going to happen. This will undoubtedly excite them.

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This is how you fix mistakes

The cool thing about sexting is that it's a safe space. You just dare to do it more than in real life. This is precisely the reason why small errors sometimes occur and have to be corrected again. To avoid embarrassment, start small with sexy innuendos like, “What would you do if I was with you? And move slowly. If a message from you was too violent, you may need to revert. “Courage to make mistakes”, appeals Michael Sztenc. “Limits can sometimes be exceeded to test them. Apologize if you find that they don't react as you expected, ”says the expert.

Conclusion: embarrassment of the bridge

Sexting is a surefire way to flirt. It can greatly spice up relationships and sex life. But remember: in the worst case, your messages that you sent to your loved one will be transmitted. In such a situation, the first thing to do is to stay calm. "Stay true and try to forget the subject," said the sex therapist. By the way, in our society, men are more likely to forgive “rudeness” than women, the expert knows.

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15.06.2018

Cornelia holzbauer