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(Last update: Jun 4 2018)
Have you ever wondered what it was like to date a French?
Almost immediately after moving abroad, I started dating a French guy. Getting used to a new culture was already a struggle, and getting used to a new dating culture was even more foreign to me. There are many dating customs in France / Switzerland that fundamentally contradict everything we have ever learned about dating in America.
Here are the main differences I noticed about dating French people compared to those in North America. Of course, these are based on my own personal experiences and this is not true for 100% of French people!
1. The French do not go out together
In general, “dating” does not really exist in France. In America, I'm used to arranging formal dates and getting ready for dinner in a fancy restaurant. This does not really happen in France.
“Dating” in France is much less formal. It's more like hanging out with a friend in a casual setting. And often he'll text you an hour before and ask if you'd like to meet.
Also, in France, men and women can go to dinner together as friends. It doesn't imply that they are romantically interested in each other.
2. There is no waiting game
We all know we should only call someone 3 days after the first date and we should wait until after the third date to kiss each other.
In France, if a man is romantically interested in a woman, he will let her know immediately. He doesn't wait to call her or see her again.
For me, it made me really uncomfortable at first. I wasn't so used to men being so direct.
When we first started dating my boyfriend would call me and ask to see me all the time. I had no idea what that meant. I seriously thought he wanted to marry me or something. But, as it turned out, it's pretty normal for the French to act this way at the start of the relationship.
3. "The speech" does not exist
There is no "chatter" in France. Don't even worry about the state of your relationship.
I made the mistake of asking my current boyfriend "What are we?" Every time I do, the conversation doesn't end well. I learned not to talk about the status of the relationship anymore.
Generally, once you kiss you are considered to be in an exclusive relationship.
4. Meeting with family and friends is quick and very informal
I met my boyfriend's family after only 2 weeks, and his friends soon after. I was a little panicked when it all happened so fast, but it's pretty normal to meet the friends and family of a Frenchman early on.
He wants to show you to his friends and family. If you don't earn their approval, that's pretty much a deal breaker.
Also keep in mind that you will never get a warning when you meet friends and family. Whenever I met someone new it usually went like this: “My dad is coming by in an hour. Get dressed. "
5. Expect to attend many group dates
My boyfriend and I barely have "dates". When we go out to eat, it's often with a group of friends.
6. It's okay to be friends with your ex
In America, once you break up, you are no longer allowed to talk to your ex. In France, many couples separate and remain very good friends.
My boyfriend has dated girls from his circle of friends who are now dating his other friends. For me, it was almost incestuous, but apparently it's completely normal in France.
7. PDA is perfectly acceptable everywhere
French men are quite comfortable with cuddling and kissing in public. They are proud of their relationship and want to show the world that they are happy.
What I found strange was that my boyfriend is quite public with his displays of affection even in front of his family. He will kiss me and even kiss me in front of his grandmother in his retirement home! This would never happen in North America!
8. I love you can have different meanings
It was really confusing for me for a while. In French, you can say " je t'aime"To mean" I love you "and"I'm in love with you"To mean" I'm in love with you. And for a Frenchman, the difference is enormous. I have to admit that I still don't quite understand the subtlety of the two sentences.
In general, if he loves you but is not in love with you then he does not want to marry or have children with you. A true master of the mind, isn't he?
9. Don't expect to get married anytime soon
In France, marriage is not a prerequisite for living together or starting a family. Many couples have lived together for decades with no intention of getting married. My boyfriend's mother, for example, has been living with the same man for 15 years.
In France, you can also have a baby with someone without getting married and that is perfectly acceptable. There is no negative connotation associated with having a baby before marriage.
Another thing I have noticed is that fewer and fewer French couples are getting married these days. I would say this is part of French culture. French parents do not pressure their children to marry and there are no real advantages to getting married (as opposed to a common-law relationship).
Key points to remember
Dating in France is very different from dating in America. If you are dating someone from abroad, I highly recommend that you try to understand what the social norms are in their culture to avoid misunderstandings. Don't overanalyze or worry too much about the little things and have fun!
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