Yes, 'too much sex' is one thing - but it's different for everyone

Let's start by resting the head - not the hand or the hips -: you probably don't have too much sex.

"The concept of 'too much' sex is generally used to shame people for being sexual beings," says Dr. Jill McDevitt, resident sex therapist at CalExotics.

Yet your frequency of fracking can prevent you from leading a full, healthy life.

Because this tipping point varies from person to person, we asked Dr. McDevitt and Dr. Jennifer Wider, two resident sex therapists at KY, to find out how to tell if you are overdoing it and how to cut back if you are overdoing it. are.

Nope! There is no official limit (wink).

Some data suggests that the average adult mess with someone else about once a week, and down with themselves once or twice a week.

But the truth is, this data doesn't tell us if the amount of sex you are having is "too much."

McDevitt explains that this data only shows on average how much sex people have. It does not show:

how much they want to have
whether they are satisfied with the amount or quality of their sex
whether the amount of sex they have interferes with their life

She adds that - no matter how much sex you have - it's common to wonder if your sexual frequency is normal.

“Instead of asking, 'How much more or less do I have sex than the average person? ask, "How do I feel about the quantity (and quality) of sex I'm having?"

This is not a “Mean Girls” moment; the limit exists. But this limit varies from person to person.

So your limit may be different from Cady Heron's, which may be different from Regina George's, and so on.

Here's how to tell if you've exceeded your limit.

Evaluate your feelings

Because what counts as “too much” comes down to what feels like too much, it's time to get inside.

Is your instinct telling you that you are having too much sex? So you could be.

However, McDevitt says, “If you think that's too much, I would make you wonder who or what is telling you that you need to be concerned about the amount of sex [you're] having. "

She adds, “Is it an honest inner feeling? Is [a] negative sex education speaking? »

Review the why

So you bang like a rabbit… Why is that exactly?

There are plenty of totally healthy reasons why you might be having a lot of sex. For example:

your libido is high
this is how you show yourself or your partner (s) like
it helps relieve stress
you are trying to get pregnant
it's fun and brings you joy

But it is also possible to use sex as a form of escape.

If you're using sex to avoid a difficult conversation, the fact that you've just been fired, or financial problems, you are using sex as a coping mechanism - and it might be time to get out of bed.

Check for physical side effects

It's time to take a look at your tracks.

While tons of sex don't cause any long-term harm, Wider notes that there are some physical symptoms that your body may be asking you to cut back on.

This includes:

friction
pain or numbness
inflammation or swelling
pain during sex
urinary tract infection
outstretched neck

And if you have sex instead of lunch, don't hydrate properly between lovemaking, or opt for sex over sleep, you may also experience:

cramps
feeling of hunger
dizziness
headache

“Sex should be fun and pleasurable, not cause bodily harm,” she says. Fair!

Evaluate your attitude towards sex

“Sometimes having too much sex can start to cause mental stress,” Wider says.

So if the simple idea sex starts to turn you off or the sex itself starts to feel like a chore, it's time to get dressed.

The same is true if you are having sex as a couple and you start to feel resentment or revulsion towards your partner.

Determine the cost

It seems obvious, but when you have sex you don't do anything else.

Do you have sex on a regular basis instead of paying your bills, doing laundry, showering, or eating?

Are you regularly late for work activities, plans with friends, or dinner parties because you are having sex?

If so, it's time to take a look at your priorities.

So you want less bone…now what? It depends on whether your shagging is a solo or couple activity.

If you are alone

To be clear: single player play is a normal, healthy part of human sexuality.

If you feel like you're compulsively jerking off or touching yourself, it's time to talk to a sex professional.

They will be able to help you understand why you masturbated so much and address the underlying cause.

“It's very rare for people to masturbate too much,” McDevitt adds.

“So it is likely that you are not masturbating too much, but that you are ashamed of your sexuality and your sexual pleasure. A sexuality professional can help you understand why you feel your frequency is a problem. »

If you have one or more partners

If you're feeling uncomfortable, overwhelmed, or disgusted by how boned you and your booing are, it's time to speak up.

Here are some things you can say to talk about it:

I really enjoyed the time we spend together, but wondering if you would feel comfortable having a conversation about spending less time having sex and more time connecting otherwise. .
We've had a lot of sex lately, but I have to be honest: my body needs a break! What do you think about having less sex than we had?
Recently, I didn't want to have so much sex. Would you be willing to experiment with other forms of intimacy?
I feel like we had sex instead of addressing [X] problem, and while I love having sex, I would like to talk about it.

How often you have sex shouldn't be a single conversation.

Because things like stress level, medications, hormonal changes, age, and self-esteem all play a role in how often you want to have sex, it's only natural that the amount of intercourse. sex you want to have increases and decreases.

If you find these conversations difficult, McDevitt recommends seeking a sex therapist.

And remember: you should never (never) feel pressured into having sex. So if this conversation makes you feel pressured to have the same amount of sex, or otherwise unsafe, unheard, or disrespected, that's a reason to call off the relationship.

Ultimately, what counts as “too much sex” comes down to your individual needs, wants, obligations, and bodies.

It doesn't matter if the sex is with a partner or with yourself, if you feel like you have too much, it is important to ask yourself where this feeling is coming from and take action to get back to a frequency with it. which you are comfortable with.

Gabrielle Kassel is a New York-based sex and wellness writer and CrossFit Level 1 trainer. She became a morning person, tested over 200 vibrators and ate, drunk and brushed with charcoal – all this in the name of journalism. In her free time, she can be found reading self-help books and romance novels, bench pressing or pole dancing. Follow her on Instagram.